It’s rare that a transcendent piece of art comes your way, but you know you’re in for something special when it’s a Seagal film. I mean, this film just makes you want to go out and find someone to punch in the face and throw through a window. But, it’s not just an action film; it’s much deeper than that. Once Storm awakens after his coma, it takes time to regain his strength, and he does so using ancient Chinese secrets. Why Chinese? Because he’s Mason Storm, that’s why. We don’t need explanations because Seagal is such a great actor that everything he does is believable. When his nurse checks out his dick while he’s in a coma, you can bet there’s going to be a payoff later in the film. That’s what makes a good film, setup and payoff.
We see Seagal struggling to run, but it’s not easy to run with such a huge dick, or so I’ve heard. When he plows his nurse, and real-life wife, Kelly LeBrock, later in the film, you know she’s having a great, randy time, because of the setup earlier. It’s just good filmmaking. And this is a complete film too, great action and dialogue. When Storm finally gets some measure of revenge you don’t get the obligatory monologue of crap. Nah fam, ain’t needed. What you get is one of the greatest lines in cinema history that says everything you need to know, “That’s for my wife. Fuck you and die!” In the industry, we call that making every word count.
It’s rare to not find any negatives about a film, but Hard to Kill is pretty much flawless. You’ll laugh, you’ll cry, you’ll scream with bloodlust. Hell, you might even shart yourself because you won’t want to leave the couch. It’s all good, this is a movie for men and a little shit ain’t no biggie. Do yourself a favor and go watch this film. Afterward, go pork your fat girlfriend and make sure to do it… hard! Just make sure not to scream Seagal’s name by accident in the process.